The other side of me.

2011-09-01T23:06:00.003+08:00

Recently i have started to talk to u again.

But.. someting is still there blocking us.

I tink its more like.. i duno.

its hard to explain.

Maybe i really still harping about the past and

what could really be happening every time.

Im not a psychic.

But i have been used to this situations.

The "cock block" situations which doesnt work out in the end.

I lament not what i couldnt say, but what i couldnt do.

Next up.. I miss u Su.sky.

if u see this, i hope u dun be guilty anymore

cuz I know i shouldnt have say things that make u more upset.

all i have been thinking these years, istill remember.

I wana know u better again.

Becuz i know in my mind,

no matter how much grievances we had,

I would always see it as an experience to know each other well.

So one day, i wana really see u again.

2011-08-30T23:41:00.001+08:00

time to start posting again. Ah.. wat shld i start off with...

Gym sessions yes! Aiming for every day gyming -> 2 times a day soon~
9november 2011 1.45pm im entering the army.

So ya training up.
All for the sake of strength and power.

I duno wat to type for now. But yeah time to open up to the world with my diary again~

Hope someone sees my blog open up now.

today is friday! So what do u usually do on a friday night? :)

2011-02-25T22:25:00.001+08:00

today is friday! So what do u usually do on a friday night? :)

Answer here

2011-01-16T20:37:00.003+08:00

I spend the whole night thinking about it.
And i wondered whats wrong with myself.
Why have i been like that.
Happy and sad like seasons go.
And i probably got closer to the answer.
I guess i probably have a syndrome
that i fear that whatever i do,
will cause people to dislike me.
I really do think i fear people disliking me.
I fear people leave my side.
I wana stay strong myself.
I envy others
who have friends who appreciate them well.
Yet, i..
always never be able to keep hold of my friends properly.
Let alone someone i like. someone i love.
Becuz of her, this insecure feeling becomes stronger.
This fear of being disliked
the fear of saying or doing something wrong.
As time passes, i thought i was okay.
I tried to be myself
I thought things could change.
But no it wasnt true.
Happy introductions always come
and there comes the sad endings.
I fear them who couldnt count on me
to be their friend,
so i force them to count on me.
And i end up losing them.
How sad i am.
How pathetic i am that i came to that end.
But thats what probably happened to myself of the past.
Couldnt believe in myself that I can be counted on as a friend
and always fearing a friend will leave and fearing someone who will hate me.
I am not strong arent i..

2011-01-02T07:28:00.001+08:00

my 100th post ( not really cuz i deleted last time)

2011. Brand new start.
another 2 mths of sch
2 weeks of exams
and thats it.
the new start of life
Army life looking foward to it.
something we cant escape.
But many things to think about.
What to do and all.
Cousins that seem to do better than me
always had that pressure.
But well I hope things go well since its 2011.
Not yet 2012 for a year end.
Time to start things going with work work.

2010-12-31T13:18:00.003+08:00

Back from chalet

Zzz make a cameo appearance at a very late morning in front of everybody.

well still drank some and got high and all.

kind of shitty becuz i never ate the whole night so

i got gastric under drinking.

:/ but well im fine now.

Straight to the point.

2011 happens many tings for me.

Hmmm how should i put it...

Let me recall what key things happen.

(not in sequence of time events)

First birthday gathering with SBU mates.

Its a great one.

Im satisfied with it :)

Thanks Setiawan for organising for me.

Steamboat was the main thing for the night before my birthday

I thought i wouldnt have to spend my time alone this year.

Well i also realise lesser and lesser people wishing me birthday though.

wonder if its a good thing or a bad thing.

But well, i admit i feel alil sad.

But it cant be helped.

im alrdy 19 so thats where people start to leave and go on their own paths.

But im still glad at least there are friends out there still with me :)

Ah yes... and i forgive u..

even if u didnt wish me happy birthday but him.

I wish u 2011 too that your love blossomed more :)

Stay happy.

I will work hard to be better!

Let me recall...

Yeah make a new special friend called the Iron Lady.

Well it was surprising at first.

I didnt really like talk to her alot when i knew about her.

Just randomly commenting on her fb statuses was the start.

then well things start rolling when

we chatted on fb messenger.

and on and on.

Well, i wish to her in 2011, her happiness continues to blossom

and i hope she continue to love herself! :)

Yeap heres the sad part.

I.. kind of left someone whom i knew for 3 and half years.

Wouldnt really want to talk about it.

but basically its just me bah.

Things has happened

and yeah knowing whats gona happen next,

I really hope that she would find someone

who cares alot for her whole heartedly,

without scolding her every now and then

and throwing a tantrum at her.

Hmmm next will be...

yeah got to decide AUS, US or stay.

well those who know about it then yea.

I duno whats happening in future.

but thats something i may have to think about it.

Things will work out i guess.

Ah yes... 2006..

i found out the truth

about her feelings(my ex-gf) that time this year.

Well as u can see its like..

obviously not a good news.

But im glad at the end of it,

i still know whats she thinking about.

Well i will continue to work hard to improve myself.

Just wana let u know again,

My feelings for you is and was true.

Kind of embarrassing to say it again but "I love u". :)

OKAY OKAY. i think i will stop her for now.

this is enough juice for u guys who are reading it.

2010-12-12T04:05:00.002+08:00

Every time holidays come, i will fall sick.

During school days, im so active never sick.

Sick is not a fun ting at all.

Just like previously, 3 months ago, i had a virus attack i guess.

Was badly bed ridden on the bed for the whole week,

its like break down of immune system.

And now its another Cold.

I dun have time for sickness.

i got much to do.

12 weeks left before i officially end my school days in poly.

Whats next..

i wonder..

NS.

US.

maybe.. i duno.

Hmm im not really thinking a lot about u much alrdy.

Not that im pretty forgetting u.

just that, i alrdy think that

Caring for someone

cannot be too one sided.

becuz there will be withdrawn symptoms.

Like now, im having those symptoms.

But Being selfish too much

cannot be too one sided.

becuz there will be hurtful disasters.

Like now, im having those disasters.

I cannot have either personality.

I always see myself, wondering

I cannot be too selfish, cannot be too kind.

Whats next?

I play too cold to my own self

that i realise the heat at the surroundings

are engulfing me.

this temptation, hot temptation

of not being cold is unresistable.

Yet after breaking from this cold hunger

and going for the warm atmosphere,

gradually, the sun may seem nice the weather may seem cool.

but i will in the end, felt like i have shed my skin

and turn to another being.

yeah just like a bear out of hibernation

and adapting to become a black bear.

that lose its sanity.

2010-12-10T23:32:00.002+08:00

Today was a pretty long day.

see a friend off for his enlisting.

kind of sad though even though its just a friend and brother bond.

Hmm just thinking about next year im gona be going in.

I wonder how it feels.

i think its gona be in my mind like "Thats it. Time for my new journey".

Haha i duno.

But well tests are over, my final time of feeling the tests stress is over.

next exam and projects.

My life as a poly student coming to a close

i think back, wondering i must have wasted my time

thinking of things and people who dun really care.

but i guess i have made my own resolution.

Everyone is moving forward,

i wana catch up to them.

Haha well for now i have already accepted the "fact" le.

so i guess its time I not think about it anymore.

When it comes it comes.

Sorry today not sad post :)

haha.

2010-12-05T01:09:00.000+08:00

Today i didnt eat for 2 meals.

not becuz its a bad thing but i just thought i could save my stomach

for japanese feast with my family.

but sigh. in the end it turns up that

i got reprimanded for not controlling how much i eat.

even though i never get to say that i havent eat the whole day.

I was upset and now i am still upset.

Though i know dad says he got to go soon,

I guess he really is money-minded.

Asking me to buy something cheaper

even though this is just once in a LONG while thing.

He cant read situations.

I do still seem to throw tantrums just now

but i dun think i would ever do that

if i havent got a reason.

Seeing dad show care and concern to uncle's kids

while giving me stares of authority all the time,

i look back..

my childhood was a different case.

It started great yes. but gradually worser.

the fists. the canes. the anger. the frustration.

and now, scoldings that never stop.

reprimanding how i couldnt do better than others

when others can be so smart.

I have what i wana do

but he always stop me from doing them.

even if i like them alot.

For my future yes.

but not for my happiness.

I bet even if i have a partner or a girlfriend,

he will reprimand me again and again

for anything i dun have.

I never have anything that he really wana support me

all these things i bought for myself

is becuz i bought it, then he just pay for it.

Its not about the money.

Its the mutual feeling that i never get from him.

Maybe i take things too seriously.

but i do believe after i graduate,

troubles come again.

Whether... i disappear from everyone here

or i stay in everyone's memories depend on myself.

From the start, i probably was fighting my life alone

with probably support just like "handing u the tools, and u learnt them yrself" that kind of ting.

I am so like a puppet,

but never a master of anything as usual.

2010-12-02T22:09:00.000+08:00

To add on to today's special.

I have found out that.. you remembered his birthday very well.

And concidentally.. its 28november.

Do u know how familiar it is?

You must be very happy now le bah haha.

But let me tell u something too.

My birthday is 28 november too.

haha.. u wont forget that birthday for him wont u?

But u will forget that birthday for me. Im sure of it.

Thanks for the special gift tonight.

Im sorry i took long to realise it. or rather notice it.

I should have better off not see it.

Haha. haha. whats funny anymore i duno.

What a happy 28 november for me.

2010-12-02T21:35:00.001+08:00

By the way happy belated birthday to myself who celebrated his birthday with his brothers on 27/28november which is my official birthday.

Currently Im listening to a song i used to hear when i was sec 4.

Yeah. i listened to it a alot long ago. and till now it is still one of my favourite song.

Feng - Jay Chou.

Always never fail to give me a heartfelt feeling there.

Although the lyrics seems like a love story stuff,

but it makes my heart become smaller

and i tried to grasp the cold feeling like the Maple Leaves.

Will write a few short stuff since im going weary.

Today is really crappy.

Was alil late for meeting with lecturer

as i have to fix the project.

Having to meet another deadline

for the same thing.

Next, no seats. thats a lil nth but never mind,

found seat.

Yet, after eating, I was only then told that

I have to bring my laptop for report test.

And obviously, i didnt.

So 12.30am i have to rush back on the train with my project stuffs

sweat my ass through,

with a full stomach that feels like vommiting

along with heart clutching as i feel out of breath

with heavy stuffs and food in my stomach.

And here came another crappy part of myself.

I didnt even notice you until I ran past u again.

Im really upset with myself.

that i have to show a stressful face at the wrong time again.

Then sweating like shit alrdy,

o yea i called home, noone picked up the call,

that explains more stress contributing to the rush back home.

going up the lift,

I accidentally press 4th floor and wasted time again.

Reaching home, everything locked,

have to unlock everything one by one.

Reach home, slam the things,

put my laptop and wires cables blahy blah

into bag took some time,

rush out house and lock gate

alrdy smelling of sweat,

i ran with my slippers

and still a full stomach.

And i could barely run alrdy,

brisk walk walk walk till mrt.

caught my breath and back to mrt to sch.

time check 1.10am,

reach class 1.15, teacher start saying me having bad moods everytime i enter class.

God. I wouldnt wana have a bad mood if i have a bad start.

Came to table, stuffs start getting worse.

Waited alil time for start up laptop

Did my letter,

got alil lost due to Microsoft 2007 and 2003 difference.

Was about to start email format when teacher said what i was doing.

I was shocked. then i was told to copy what i wrote in my previous draft.

and then i realised, I gotten wrong info from first word till the end.

Next, gona finish my letter, laptop auto restart, thats FUCK MY LIFE.

I havent saved. And i only got 15minutes.

im lucky i found a classmate to let me retype everything.

as the laptop continued to restart again and again.

And by then everything is done.

More shit got to come man.

Rain starts pouring, but that was not the issue.

noone told me they were gyming today.

I ended up going home alone,

but im used to it.

yet feeling that screw up feeling.

just feel like fuck the world.

By the way, THE WHOLE FUCKING DAY MY PHONE IS FUCKING ON ME.

I cant do shit anymore.

Theres more to come, im already sick of it.

I want to be OKAY U KNOW.

But its always WHEN I WANT TO BE OKAY,

THINGS ARENT OKAY.

WHEN I AM ALREADY NOT TINKING ABOUT THINGS,

GOD PLEASE STOP MAKING ME EMO SHIT ANYMORE.

I ALREADY FEEL DULL FROM MANY STUFFS THAT HAPPENED RECENTLY.

I JUST WANA HAVE SOME NICE PEACE FROM NOT HAVING

TO STRESS UP OVER SHITTY BAD LUCK OKAY.

2010-11-20T03:20:00.001+08:00

So long never blog le.

Well can blog about a major event.

Looks like u found out long time ago.

At least Im satisfied that u did really found out long time ago.

though i really didnt answer properly at first when u asked if im giving u a cold shoulder.

Becuz it is not about giving cold shoulder.

Its honestly not about giving u cold shoulder.

Neither is it totally about moving on without u.

Nor is it really I hate u alot.

Or not that is I am not happy when u are around.

Its not u, its just me.

It was never your fault,

all this sadness i brought to u is what i always seem to notice or do to u.

U deserve better treatment and pampering under people who really care for u.

I have known for 3 half years that all i did was nothing big.

just scolding u, nagging at u and just being quiet when u need advice the most.

giving lambo advice, not standing on yr side.

All this above, doesnt really fit the description of a very important person that i should play

in your life.

I mean sometimes i wana believe in u that I am very important in your life.

But sometimes I do really dun believe in what u say

becuz I always think that your words differ from what u do.

but u know..

I took very long time to reflect what i have done so far..

In the end, i really concluded.. I am not suitable to be there for u when u are at a good point of life

when im not even there when u are at a bad point of life.

u get it?

I mean, really.. i fail as a brother.. a companion.. a friend.. in every way...

All these things i do just to hurt u.. i dun think i can ask u to forgive me yea.

neither can i bring myself to tell u its my fault or anything.

i have done it. i have sinned. I have emoed. I have tried..

I mean theres lots of emotions and feelings and thoughts i put into thinking about this.

I have mixed feelings thoughts everywhere..

Im really still confused till now.

U are right, i am unreasonable person.

always want it my way without giving in to u.

I also really think now right.. that I have reached a point of no hope.

I hope u recall that i left the 3rd reason blank..

but i guess whether i say it or not, it doesnt matter anymore.

I can only express myself in this bloggie about how i feel all this time..

With honest feelings and thoughts put into my soul and mind.

In summary, u are one person who can turn my life upside down and vice versa. And i dun think i can bring myself to say "I can move on without u" to u.. because.. i still really cant.

2010-11-07T22:16:00.000+08:00

Haha. the day of judgement is approaching.

Reminds me of many things that happened before that day.

Many things unforgettable.

Yes. no doubt sad.

nothing happy in my life i thought of.

there are times yes i believe i was happy.

but it turns out sad in the end.

It was just me yeah.

"It was not you. Its me" as usual.

When i think about it,

im better off just being silent and not think about anyting

and just do my stuffs i like.

I should not be too naive

when some random person come into my life

thinking that im finally _____ (key word to my wish)

and ends up

things dun turn out well after a happy start

and yeah, im back to a state of shitiness

Its just me not you

as i continue to think back about what i did wrong

I guess its just me

and now im starting to just

let things go and just not bother about anything anymore.

even if things, emotions, people fade away from me,

I should not grip on to it too much.

for "dun make others a priority if u are just an option"

Yeah thats about it for today's emotions.

2010-11-03T18:29:00.001+08:00

When is the correct time to talk to someone i wonder.

sometimes when i approach people to talk to,

its like talking to the wall.

im probably better off speaking to myself frm the start sometimes

Its not like im dreaming or anything.

I dun play with my own weakness for no reason.

It cant be helped though.

people get bored of me.

i do have little interests in life anyway.

me there or not

is just to make up the numbers.

me there or not

is just to be there thats all.

My purpose seems like

"just be there and yr job is done"

"when i need you, you come".

that seems that way.

I do want to rely on people

but i end up getting push back the job.

so i guess from the start, going solo or being alone

always give me a better picture of how i should go ahead with life

even if my emotions are down,

i dun drag anyone down at least.

becuz these emotions i had

seem like a norm to everyone.

maybe for now,

im hanging in there to do my best,

but i know eventually my life will be short lived of happiness.

Different people have different ways of wanting to be happy,

not that anyone wants to be sad.

I do not and never want to think too much.

I see things happening like that,

how can i not read the situation?

just like how can you see the truth placed in front of u

without opening yr two eyes forever.

yeah i got to face it,

so? Tell everyone, "hey stop doing this to me"

and i get the looks "whats with that? stop your emotional nonsense"

But in the first place, i wont even be this sad

if there is always people around me who wants to talk to me

and not neglect what i want to say.

But in the end,

no matter how many times i apologise,

i guess really.. different people get treated differently after all.

thats life isnt it.

And i will struggle my way through like this for long in order to accept this.

2010-10-27T16:04:00.000+08:00

im feeling so tired.

got to train hard for upcoming napfa

think about what i should do next.

My thoughts wander like mad

but of cuz im controlling them.

But still i find it hard to like

talk to others freely.

:/ im seeing it.

not seeing things really.

2010-10-23T22:25:00.000+08:00

I need to keep this silence and anxiety in me settled

I cannot afford to be upset at this time

to affect others in their life.

Im so problematic.

That explains my lack of circle of friends.

Selfish u can say i am

for not giving in and giving chance.

for a very long time,

imagine i have been giving in chance, trying to understand

tryin to bluff yourself that it is true,

and how much things i have gone through,

I duno anymore.

now i just want to stick to it till the end.

Stick to the fact that i should care no more

for u care none about my affairs

This is what i truly feel and im sure i told u before.

I always try my very best to tell myself

u are the forgetful sort.

but when i see that u arent forgetful about others,

its really a terrible feeling to know that kind of truth.

I want to look away and say that "no, i must be see tings"

and till then, there came another piece of truth coming to my face.

I dun imagine things.

I see things happening like that.

I dun bother bullshitting and make up stuffs

to make myself not happy over you.

but now i think u have really done it.

And i dun tink i have the life or trust or maybe even heart

to push myself to care about u.

For the future may have changed,

I hope that things would turn out better

without my presence.

2010-10-18T22:11:00.000+08:00

My final semester of polytechnic le

I am feeling that

theres much to be done

for a finale.

Planning to work afew months of full-time before i enter NS

but im thinking about it still.

like whether im super free.

or yeah

Hmm whats next for me is to

well focus on my own well-being then

I have much to do.

much to tink about.

Somehow yeah its okay if things that turn out bad

happen becuz

its something i cant avoid.

and i will stick to my life till the end.

For now to keep silent about things

2010-10-14T14:25:00.001+08:00

Hmm writing a short post as usual.
I guess im seeing the same thing again.
But its okay, i understand that feeling, that situation and that thinking u have.
I dun blame you for that.
For that, it had happened before.
But well in the end, its all for that one thing.
And i dun really regret anything much if someting bad happened like before
except that i would have regretted not putting things straight
or rather.. i should have just shut up and play myself out just as a mere option
rather than trying to fight to escape my true fate
of being nothing more than an option.
If onlys always come through my thought
but thats my life,
that i have never feel my existence anywhere any time anyhow.
This is something i am not proclaiming
without any backing or feeling.
Its true... all this actions.. words.. situations.. they all are backing my existence to be empty.
Right now, i can only choose to fight on and just let things happen if it happens.
Because if i am upset or disappointed right now,
i can never be getting that feeling.. that help... any normal person can get.
They say...
"no point getting upset over spilt milk"
but im not upset over spilt milk.
im upset over spoilt milk or rather.. no milk in my cup.
For that day i hope to see things in a positive way,
that wish.. it will never come true.
that mutual thing.

2010-10-13T22:54:00.000+08:00

My favourite Kayano shoes!

Went jogging from my house to Chinatown!

To buy the below Koi!! :)

2010-10-13T18:37:00.000+08:00

ONE WEEK OF BREAK HERE SINCE MONDAY

AND NEXT WEEK START SCHOOL.

omg its passing very fast.

next important event will be napfa test followed

by medical check up for NS.

Alamak my youth is ending soooo sooon.

SAD!!

Anyway, must try and try and not emo

but i guess no try no chance :D

I need to become a pillar of strength for u to lean on when u are weak, and a pillar of strength to hold on when u need help.

2010-10-03T19:38:00.001+08:00

They say usualy girls remember stuffs like dates and all.

But i guess im the unusual one to remember the date and the time duration.

like today is 3Y5M in relation to 3-5-2007.

Haha not gona say about it.

But just wana speak about it that..

whenever i tink of this date,

i always recall that moment when it was brushed off easily

when i mention the date.

i guess forgeting is someting u would say.

But whatever,

only someone naive like me would still tink u would bother.

2010-09-28T17:56:00.000+08:00

Now i have to finish my final year project with group in 8 days.

Like 80percent, including calibration and all.

I too hope that the system works too.

yet im sure theres much to be done.

But i wont get much sleep until the disaster or ordeal comes.

This is just the start.

2010-09-23T18:29:00.001+08:00

Another time of squeezing heart that i cant really concentrate now.

I got rushing deadlines to meet.

And i dun tink the work is still good enough.

I hope i can figure someting out to make it better.

Sometimes i want to have the knowledge.

but i guess thats the limit of my life.

Now i hope i can drive the project out

and make it become good as it seems.

2010-09-18T23:16:00.000+08:00

Just wana post up some pictures again :)Hmm sushi bought from GWC. bought the sauce since my house always buys sushi from outside haha. Enjoying this supper :P
Hmm this coke light ah. A little girl was pointing to it, maybe she wanted to drink it. Or maybe she wanted me to choose that. But anyway after she left, I bought it since she chose it for me ( tats what i tink haha)

2010-09-16T20:20:00.000+08:00

Another mugging night along with kfc snacks.

So much to remember.

Zzzzzzzz.

2010-09-15T21:03:00.000+08:00

The strength to fight on

comes on the weakness i see in myself.

Wishes cannot come true without doing anyting

It also happens the opposite when u wish for something.

But fighting for it is tough and takes alil bit of luck too.

In life sometimes u wish u could have not made a mistake,

bt thats life isnt it i said.

But well, some mistakes are fatal,

and wouldnt u wana look back and tink of how to prevent such mistake

from happening in future?

I too do that too.

Do u?

2010-09-10T23:14:00.000+08:00

The result of night studying = eatin mac donalds with books and pens in disarray

Theres much to be done!!!

Zzzz slammin theories and all.

Short post just for today!

2010-09-07T22:34:00.000+08:00

today im bloggin with a weary body

not cuz of tired mainly

but because im very disappointed with myself

even though i have made a step to apologise

but i guess in the end, i really duno what i want as always

in the end i really shouldnt be too close to people anymore

to follow the will passed down from my dad

that he and I would be better off living life on our own.

without much help

without much care for anyting

all for the sake to prevent myself and others

from getting hurt.

I really understand the full feeling of solitude now

dun really enjoy yet

its a familiar feeling after all.

im not emo because i want to be.

im emo because i am upset with myself

after futile attempts to change myself

i still go back to step 1.

being childish is bad

being temperamental is bad

being serious is bad

being naggy is bad

being talkative is bad

being vulgar is bad

being knowledgeable is bad

being everything about myself is bad

i do really poorly express myself isn it?

heh? arent i?

always playing around with people's patience

I really am too far from perfect.

and i guess im really hard to be accepted after all.

But nevertheless even though i know humans are meant to be imperfect

the world dun seem to accept how much i am.

for my aim in life is fading away.

slowly fading away in people's sight

or from the start, i have always been unseen isnt it..

yes it is. not putting myself down becuz i wan to.

but sighs of it has proven it.

and i guess it takes a big heart to swallow this much of words from me after all.

2010-09-05T21:29:00.000+08:00

this coming week and next week is exam.

After exam, got to do the most rushing thing which is project.

I doubt this month i have any time to relax.

less than two months time,

is napfa.

So much stuffs in a short time.

Looks like its another obstacle im seeing

AHH just got to do it anyway.

If i could clear up things faster and easier

that would be better.

2010-09-02T04:16:00.001+08:00

Time to take another step forward

to forget a few people who has moved to their own paths.

People forget others easily

while i still stuck remembering things that i shouldnt remember

arent guys suppose to forget things easily?

Why am i the only one remembering every single detail till now?

It has happened long ago alrdy.

And till now, whats left is just a broken reality

I guess every time when i mention something that happened long time ago

its not good after all isnt it.

Talk about trying to cherish memories,

more like haunting me in the end.

"Forgetting the memories u knew of him/her is like forgetting how u knew the person"

2010-08-30T17:27:00.001+08:00

I hope somewhere

in everyone's mind

I hold a place at least

to be remembered

and to be able to be noticeable

to everyone.

Can anyone hear me?

I wonder.

My communication problems

My weird way of doing things

The way of talking to people

My temperamental temper

it takes me long to accept someone else

but i guess it takes ages or impossibility

to accept who i am.

I just want to be like that.

I dun wana create a fake image

just to please anyone.

I am myself.

I am like that.

the eyes that averted away from me

the attention that noone can give

how much longer

can i continue to love myself properly

how much longer

can i take seriously of one's words anymore

2010-08-28T06:09:00.001+08:00

Contain my own complications
Contain my own troubles
Contain my own problems
Contain my own pain
Contain my own emotions
Contain everything.
I who has too much to say, too little to express
what can I achieve by saying any much
when the gap is too much comprehensive.
Too much flaws
its too much.
Noone is good enough
nor am i good enough
if everything can be expressed into words,
i wouldnt have to exist like this.
This difference
I can see it.
If one can shoulder this container of me,
I would gladly keep myself away from anyone.
Troubles can be shared
but can be abandoned.
I have done it before, both sides of it.
theres no longer any difference between knowing and not knowing.
in the end, my resolution pales in comparison with my fears.

2010-08-24T20:44:00.000+08:00

Approaching my last week of YOG break,
trying to finish up my notes before i embark on the papers.
Body clock seems to follow the night more than the day
but well thats about it.

Hmm whats nxt for me i wonder.
What should i do in future.
I just seem to b the jack of all trades but master of none.
I have nth that i really good at.
Even if for example im good at maths,
i havent reach the level of super good yet
for i havent scored 100 after a long time.
Like a jinx in pri sch before where i was always getting 2nd
because the 1st always get 100 marks forever.
Teaching... should i follow through it?
Or find a job immediately?
or maybe overseas studying?
Every option has its own risks.
But there are tings that i need to consider.
the money, the acceptance, the time.
Can i do it?
one who cant master anyting
but can only balance everything out. :/
well i guess i will do what i can now.

2010-08-17T20:43:00.000+08:00

Now for no reason, i just want to cry
o.o i mean not that im shitty emo.
I just came back from doing someting good.
Yet now i just feel like crying.
Mayb becuz i dun smile alot.
I dun really get happy alot.
And yeah tinking about it,
i dun really have much to talk with when it comes to a conversation with others.
when i tink about such stuffs,
i wonder, i really do lack knowledge about many tings.
Be myself always seems like a joke for me
as i wonder.. taking up new interests, is that the only solution?
I feel fine with what i have.
But now at this time 8.45pm,
i feel very solemn about myself.
I mean yeah, people hate me and all
for what i say.
I admit my words are blunt
but i guess I cannot help it
as i continue to speak with an unknown intention
to hurt someone always.
Im really a hidden stabber.
I kind of believe since im like that,
thats why.. I really never have good conversations with people
or rather.. long lasting friendships with much people
because of my lack of holding back
in what i say and
the lack of understanding of other people's feelings.
I really am frowning my face now.
I dun wana tell myslf "its okay" anymore.

2010-08-11T23:11:00.000+08:00

Holidays are here.
YOG BREAK that is.
=.= though i dun have the hype to go visit the games
What can i do i wonder.
Hmm...
things i have to do
yet not knowing where to start.
But in the end,
im not really a party goer
as i lost my night life to sleep.
Hmm i must have lost it.
I guess life is back to step 1
of trying to keep things in a good way :/
Ahhh

2010-08-06T22:01:00.000+08:00

Finally i have recovered from a long week of sickness
Still i need some time to adapt to a meal.
But at least finally i can eat meat and vegetables :D
AHHHH FOOOD i am coming!
Hurry my body,
we got to feast on the expensives!
Sigh :/
still i have a lingering feeling of uneasiness.
where is it coming from..

2010-08-03T21:42:00.001+08:00

I still need some more time to recover.
But tomorow is my tests.
I cannot rest.
I got to study.
Neither do i have the energy
nor the mind to read the book.
Somehow, i guess bad luck has befall on me
at the wrong time.
This is it.

2010-08-01T21:09:00.000+08:00

I still havent recover yet.
When i always thought i am fine,
the fever and headaches return.
I cant sleep.
Becuz it makes them return to haunt my brain.
Agony is what i felt.
I wana destroy my mind
but i couldnt
knowing that it means i give up.
Yet i have to take care of myself.
Doing everyting on my own.
Lucky at least i get to eat my breads bought by my sis.
I feel so sick now.
Fuck.

2010-08-01T12:21:00.000+08:00

I am soooo sick..
Spent the whole of saturday morning till now sunday morning
to get myself fine.
It was like soooo burning hot in me.
I felt like dying.
My brain seems damaged,
now im feeling like crap too.
The heat along with a damaged brain,
including a loss of appetite.
I just feel like giving up.
I couldnt sleep last night.
Every time when i thought i became okay,
the sickness came back.
How i wish i arent this weak enough to fall into this sick trap.
I am so ruined.
My mood and time is ruined today too.

2010-07-30T14:17:00.000+08:00

Today the rain is quite heavy in the morning
Drenched in the rain like mad.
I was late for sch
but everytime seem okay i guess.
Well, after school ended, everyting seemed peaceful
Lik yeah the rain and all suppose to make me moody.
But i couldnt really be moody.
More of sad though.
I could have cried but a man must not cry
So im glad the rain wiped away my tear slowly
haha i wonder why im crying for too.
it was just a mere 15 minutes of happiness.
Nothing to be upset about yea.

2010-07-29T21:25:00.000+08:00

1 more week of madness man.
1 more week!
Ah. Tis is getting better.
At least i got enough time to study well for the exams.
Hmm life is odd.
Having sleepless nights unlike usual.
Losing concentration during class time.
Hmm. i really need a slap on my face.
Well positive man. positive man.
If i cannot be positive, tings wont work out.
:D a smile for today

2010-07-29T09:01:00.000+08:00

Yahoo! another nightmare test down.
Now left with 2 presentations 1 test and one quiz.
Ahhhh just realise i got tings to do still.
I wana get tings back to momentum.
They say in order to inspire,
we must take the first step!
After taking the first step,
we must show we are capable independents!
Then can we start to help others isnt it?

2010-07-28T03:09:00.001+08:00

One obstacle down.
Next is this morning later.
Sigh o.o
With every obstacle come running down,
its like a panic attack =.=
What to do.
Do not panic about what will happen in future
for it has yet to come.
-.- those are words that keep repeating around me.
For the future is determined on your own ability,
we should work towards it.
:) come on mannnn, just like 2 more presentations and 2 more lab tests
and i got to start on new stuffs liao!

2010-07-26T22:05:00.000+08:00

O crap today is a strange feast given by teachers.
3 piece chicken meal upsize this, cheese fries
and i can say, its too much.
=.= i mean chicken phobia is coming
Never eat too much chicken or it will really make tings sick too.
Sigh i need my veggies feed.
There u having making a cold throat turns to spicy throat.
Whoa and i cant believe i recovered just by drinking pepsi two times.
Thats the most miracle ting ever o.o
Well, well, what to do.
Since i almost recovered,
time to get tings going
Theres work to be done

2010-07-25T22:16:00.000+08:00

This is bad.
Would i be able to recover on time for tomorow's school?
Like a dragon who breathes out steam.
Like a heating element that grows hotter.
With a runny nose like a curvy runway
and a mind that twirls me around
thats why a strong man will get hit hard by sickness
while a weak man though get hits often, will recover faster.
Darn. how long more to wait for my recovery
then can i focus on what i need to do.
I dun wana get screwed for not knowing how to take care of myself.

2010-07-24T22:03:00.000+08:00

Stupid cold, i hope u disappear soon
Becuz i need to get back up again
and start rebuilding what i need to do
I dun wana spread to people
becuz they do wan to stay fine.
Fancy me playing a soccer game with a cold
may seem alright
but the after effect,
its like hot desert effect
along with brain killing headache
This is madness
And im lucky mum goin to get me dinner
or else im gona be a hungry man, sick man and soon an angry man

2010-07-22T22:13:00.000+08:00

Time to open my old blog again.
Hmm yaaa its being a fine day today
Though there are many awkward situations somehow
But sigh troubles will always come.
And if we dun deal with it soon
we will pile up more troubles for ourselves to do :P

Hmm lets see...
2 more weeks of tough time and 3 weeks of YOG break
Wat shld i do... How do i become better. hmm.

They say that fate can be twisted
But now my mind is twisted because of some stupid karma im having.
Breaking up from within is cold
Churning up side down is acidic juices.

2010-07-06T04:46:00.000+08:00

Let see what i have eaten on Saturday.
I ate Ramen at the Bie fu for dinner ( that was my only meal since i woke up at night)
along the night, ate breadS with Homemade kaya by grandma
On sunday

Yeah dinner was this. And erm through the night

Cook instant noodles to solve hungry problems.
And yeah today i ete Omelette Rice for lunch, couldnt get a photo anyway

And to sum it off for today's afternoon drink will be an ice blend.

Hmm need a coffee to restore my 19 hours midnight oil :P

Hmm i wonder i wonder
as i ponder ponder

But sometings are out of my control

Hmm but well, not to tink much about it,

as long as I have done what i really done,

then thats abt it.

2010-06-30T20:39:00.000+08:00

Writings that reveal my pain today.

A heartfelt of a passing year
A normal life of a guy
Changes with a special day
Knowing the rules himself
Breaking the truth he knew himself long time ago

A fulfiling period of happiness
A special life of a guy
Tries his luck to change a world
A world like his
Knowing that step 2 and 3 will be the same as the previous cycle.

A disastrous series of hurt
A painful life of a guy
Knows he is not good enough
Futile efforts as he showed
Never good enough to change the step 4 and 5 as the same tragedy.

2010-06-30T18:03:00.000+08:00

Walking like a cripple nowadays make me feel whats called a permanent prick in life.
If only i hope my foot isnt gona be permanently disabled.
Or else im gona cut off my leg and get a fake leg.
At least i dun have to put up with it.
But without a real leg,
I wonder whats my life gona be man.

They say "Two heads are better than one"
but does that mean that "One painful leg and one normal leg are better than one normal leg"?

2010-06-24T20:12:00.000+08:00

Holidays are ending. Zzzz
Work piling up.
Doing them all immediately in one day man.

Well, sometimes i dun get it.
have i not done the correct way?
All the things i have done, is all according to my own self.
Yet one the other hand, i have been made like a cuckoo.
I wonder how easily people gets manipulated by masked ones and how easily people gets suspiscious of realistic ones.
Hmm... really. got nth to say.
I just stick to my own way of doing things.

Sentence of the day:
The one that get hurts the most isnt the victim, its the one that cares the most.

2010-06-21T19:36:00.000+08:00

FINALLY A FAN OF MY BLOG!!
THANKS HUIMIN!!! :D
Dedicate this blog post to u first!!
Haha.

To start off, everyone does the "i like you because" status.
I will do that for u!
I like you because u are all for ears even though i am so wordy!
I like you because u tagged my blog!
I like you because even though i am so negative, u encourage me to live a positive life!
I like you because u are so dedicated to your work :) that u never fail to "wow" me.
I like you because u speak your mind in any matter we talk about :D
And to sum it all up, u are a great friend, im really happy for everything, even the smallest thing u done for me! Thank you for the every support u gave me. :)
I wish u good luck in everything u do cuz i know u never fail to impress! :D
Teddy bear Always!

2010-06-17T10:15:00.000+08:00

One week liao. Zzz
Things happened and go.
Eating monday
Movie tuesday
Fasting and Soccer wednesday
Funeral thursday

O well, :/ no habit of updating everyday.
But well, :O my blog is getting the chills.
Maybe is my blogskin.
But it doesnt have anyting wrong :O
Black and red is cool isn it =.=

In a secluded forest shows a well which has never been touched.
No water can be drawn, no bucket to draw its water from.
One day, a group of people came.
One by one, each of them went to it and said,
"looks like the well is drained"
However, a particular old man said something different,
"This well still have water"
Everyone was bizarre.
"U must be kidding me! Have old age came to u?"
Everyone laughed at the old man.
However, the old man shook his head and said:
"When i mean the well have water,
I dun mean the well is filled with water.
Do u know where the water go to?"
Each of them continued to be confused
as they shook their head.
"The water is in each of your body.
Your body is the well."
"I dun get it." everyone said.
"How could a well get drained when
everyone of you took water from it?
Just like now, we are taking from it again.
All of you did not take good care of the well.
Why would the well be drained when all of you
did not "respect" it?"
"Looking at its surroundings, its full of webs and
the area is secluded.
It has alrdy been robbed of its happiness,
why take its precious asset?"
In shame, everyone looked down.
The people from the nearby town would
every now and then took water from the well
in the past when they needed water.
When the well has lost its meaning,
everyone abandoned it.
And when the people needed help,
the well could not do anything for it has lost its purpose in life.

Morale of the story is Learn how to appreciate every thing including people before they are lost.

2010-06-10T20:03:00.000+08:00

One more test to go before two weeks of holidays.
No its not holidaes.
Its project work to do at two weeks pace.
O well, life as a 18 to 19 years old is different yea.
And i realise I have to be one to keep up the pace.
And also soon i realise that im no longer too young.

Well, i guess things will be okay
if I take it on my stride.
But still, im lookin forward again to the same old story
where I could only have fat hopes about things that will not happen very easily.
make it happen? Some things are not just like that.
In the end, sometimes, i just get stranded there without getting an answer from the others
U know, the answer that can tell me I dun need to think about it anymore.
But yeah im still thinking about it cuz u havent explain to me at all.

Today shall be two sentence that has been in my mind for sometime.

What hurts one most is not about the content of the subject
What hurts one most is about how one describe the subject.

2010-05-28T20:46:00.000+08:00

Holiday is here. But i still have one week of school.
FYP report to submit.
A clarification to teacher.
Human Factors debate.
Tests to study.
ZZZ looks like life is just getting started.
But got to take it to my stride.

what should i do. my blog is getting alot of cold wind.
:O i wonder whats wrong though.
Man. i need taggers at least.

formspring.me

2010-05-27T21:33:00.001+08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/TripleLSingleW

2010-05-23T23:40:00.000+08:00

Two white birds chirping on the tree branch under the sun.
One black bird stood under the shadow of the tree branch in relaxation.
A season has passed.
The white birds flew around the sky.
The black bird stood at the same spot, embracing the sun,.
The next season passed.
The white birds prepared to fly off.
The black bird stayed still, feeling the cold wind against it.
The last season came.
The white birds disappeared.
The black bird stood in the treehole enduring the weather.
the first season came back.
only one white birds came back.
the black bird stood under the shadow of the tree branch.
The white birds in confusion, asked
"Why didnt u find someone to accompany u through the seasons?"
The black bird replied,
"Because im waiting for someone to do the same like me, knowing how it feels to be alone"

2010-05-19T17:46:00.001+08:00

Today i really felt not too good.
Not the usual downness.
But really, I just thought about life yea.
Thinking about it really makes me tink too much.
But yea if i dun start on it,
I will regret not doing anything about what i should do.
Plus.. something else that really bothers me badly.
Yet on the other hand, its someting i cannot say.
nor do i know it well myself.
I guess I should just stand and wait and see yeah.

Anyway, dinner today shall be kopitiam's Mushroom chicken :)

2010-05-18T03:42:00.000+08:00

Sian this days like duno how to say though.
Well, at least i know how to ice skate :O
but not pretty well.
In the end, ankles ache until ah, i dun feel like walkin anymore.
Zzzz. It hurts not becuz how i fall.
It hurts becuz of why i fall.
Well :/ cant be helped though.
But yeah, happy birthday to u, amanda poon :)
16 years old girl alrdy ah.
Dun wana nag at u again -.- or scold u liao.
I hope all will be good for u :)

Humans always have something bad about them
be it their personality or the way they do tings.
But well, we shouldnt be insulting their way of doing things.
If u are doing that along, i think u are not accepting who they are.
Even if they are bad ass, or they are fuck up,
its just their own way of doing tings.
They are humans like us, but we all are different.
Most important thing we all must do is
to take time to think about it and well, maybe its not a bad idea to really feel that special ting about them :)
Well, im not a perfect person to do that well,
but no matter what, even if i get dissed for friending this person,
going out with an asshole, talking to a bitch,
its not like what i do is gona hurt the world or destroy eco-nature :/
All i did was just talk to them, understand their behaviours
and come into an understanding.
But i know that i have to put in more effort into it,
so that i dun become just talk and not do yea.
I hope everyone would take time to understand.
Not me of course, but why im always around every person.

2010-05-09T17:54:00.000+08:00

Time to upload a little pictures. By right suppose to have a video but never mind. Above is my poker card tower! :) Alot of concentration u know. Almost lost focus man after many tries haha.

O about this. Its about Saturday S-league match Beijing Guoan Talents VS Sengkang Punggol.

So yea have to travel so far from tiong to khatib. >.<

Its good anyway. since i travelling far to watch some new stuffs.

Yeap its the Yishun Stadium near Khatib MRT station. Kind of dilapidated but yea not a bad view. My phone camera no good so cannot take bigger picture. Its a wet pitch and has humps on it so yea. i can see the ball bounce with a short pass.

Yea. First Half
SengKang Punggol was losing possession to Guoan. Yet they have afew wasted chances on Counter Attack due to their inefficient creativity. However, when Guoan gave away a freekick, the keeper parries away the ball only to allow a player to tap in the ball to have Sengkang lead 1-0.
Guoan seem downcast by it as they werent playing better after that. losing ball to sengkang.

first Half ended after 5 minutes.
Hmm the supporters of GuoAn were alittle disappointed then. So i started hearing shoutings and abuses at Aide Iskandar and Sengkang.

2nd Half

Guoan started pressing Sengkang, however Sengkang managed to get pass the pressing defense and create one or two chances. In addition, as guoan presses on, sengkang got pass afew times to lead to afew counter attacks which continued to fail due to guo an organised defence.

However at around 20minutes later, Guoan player got 2 yellow cards and got sent off.

Guoan down to 10 man. but they werent giving up. However, sengkang seems to be complacent and running out of ideas to attack.

Guoan seem like a more organised batch that keeps on attacking, leaving 3 man to defend, however sengkang needed 10 man to defend against 7 man. Time and time again, the chances got taken away by sengkang keeper.

As guoan subs in more attackers into their team, more and more chances are created.

by the last 10minutes, the right wing sends a cross down the center to allow player no.4 to do a diving header towards the far post to equalise! The supporters were jubiliated! they cheered like noone has before! yet, enraged due to several poor decisions by the assistant referees. Vulgarities started spewing out. All could hear it loud and clear.

SengKang really is disappointing. 11 man. yet unable to get pass 10 man guoan.

I wonder if they really can make it out of their position.

2010-05-05T01:07:00.000+08:00

O yeah time to update again.
Looks like my post looks uninteresting again.
O yea i havent say anyting about the change in my blog skin.
I still love red and black :)
Haha. But yea, anyway blogging is just trivial here.

hmm looks like I dun seem to bother about too many tings
after i realise my goals :)
At the very least, i dun bother speculating about the truth like others.
I go for the truth. Search for it. Ask for it.
And some day, i know the answer at least.
Without putting a random answer on the sheet without havin knowledge of anyting.

There are many things i wana mention about life
but i guess i will mention one thing about things i see each time i post :) o yea a story right isnt it? Yea i will write one.

A man happens to be walking around, lookin for something to eat.
There happens to be something he decided upon fter a long search.
He sat as usual. with two chairs in front.
and a meal carried forward from the counter.
The mashed potato tasted the same as usual.
Neverthelessly, he munched it slowly while taking another into his mouth.

Some time later, the man noticed a group of people arriving.
Not taking too much sight into what they were doing,
he continued on with his burger.
The group began enjoying their chat
while the man continued to enjoy his meal.
On his hand, the burger continued to be munched away as usual.
Not taking notice of how fast he ate, within minutes, he finished it.

Looking at his tray, he saw the fries.
Yet, he took a sip of his drink and sucked the straw to drink.
Slurping the drink, he watched on as he noticed a familiar face.
As he continued to slurp the drink, his throat began to bloat faster.
Telling himself everything is okay, he went on to eat his fries.
His fries, as usual the same.
This time he ate it calmly
as he realise the fries tasted sour.
It had turned a little wet.

Having remembered the past that has became of what he is now,
and the reality that he saw upon event of knowing that familiar face,
he had long rekindled this familiar feeling of sadness,
which crushed his hopes of believing what he saw wasnt true.
That familiar person had a face that never recognise him anymore
not as a friend, but a familiar person.
For that day, that man never knew that fries tasted so bad for the first time.
For that moment, he never wanted to eat at that place again.
For that second, he never knew what he should believe in anymore.

2010-04-28T23:45:00.001+08:00

Year 1s in SP are fucked up.
Giving the fuck face when I gave up my seats after eating lunch.
Staring at me when I walked past.
Pushing their plate onto my table after I cleared up the table in the canteen.
What the fuck?
Come SP alrdy doesnt mean u can fuck around.
You are just another ordinary students, fuck faces.
If u are so big, u wouldnt need to be here, son of a gun.

Got so pissed off everytime they do fuck up stuffs.
Sigh o well, back to concentrating 3rd year.
so far so good. Just tinking about stuffs that disturb me once in awhile
I just hope it doesnt distract me

Well, im kind of positive now.
Reading people and situation seems so easy.
Anyway, its kind of funny as i notice false fronts of people
who just wana be good friends with people.
Its pretty obvious.
From previous actions till now, its totally different
:O even if i dun say its obvious, im alrdy tinking of what u trying to get at.
And yeah i know i could have listened
but i think im enjoying, this drama full of comedy.

2010-04-24T22:34:00.000+08:00

I think im starting to develop into an adult le.
Now im not playing any childish games le.
Now Facebook will just be my HQ for important things, maybe birthdays and yeah contacting people.
Blog will just be about what i do in my life yeah.
Msn will just be lookin for people who i neeed to speak with for stuffs.
Maybe alil chit-chat wont kill.
Other than that, I wont really entertain alot of people nowadays unless they really are looking for me.
Cuz only when people tink of u, is when they come across their mind. Other than that, i hav proof that i hardly come across anyone's mind. But its okay. Thats life for me.
And i accept it frm today onwards.

My mind focus on my goals. My ambitions.
At least for now, I realise i no longer need to hold back anyting at all.

2010-04-22T20:06:00.000+08:00

Today i announce that I wont be logging on to msn or facebook anymore.
I realise I cannot make friends with anyone at all.
and i dun tink i shld deserve any of it anymore.
So short and simple. Im sorry and goodbye.
My life is gona be a big change.
For the good of everyone and myself,
I hope to find salvation in this path i will walk alone.
For that, thank you for everyting and I guess I wont be really appearing anymore often in everyone's life. I guess its good.
And those voices, those eyes, those pain...
will probably grant me salvation after that.
I apologise for everything that I have done, even though the apology is too sudden,
I think i will just take this chance to say.
I'm sorry for not being a good enough friend.

2010-04-20T21:00:00.000+08:00

School started 2 days ago.
Yeah everyting seem okay.
On time so far.
Building up the pace for the final year run.
Fighting hard myself knowing chances are limited.

Hmmm. Its difficult to say im happy really right now
but i know that every time i also not happy.
Trying my best to keep others happy
yet on the other hand, finding it hard to keep myself happy
cuz i know i wont exist if i dun continue to work hard to keep myself in everyone's mind
even if its just a second.

Still i havent found an answer on why my existence seem so vague in life.
its hard really. ITS HARD. fuck.

2010-04-13T00:54:00.000+08:00

Havent been updating sian again.
But school is starting next week.
Sigh, no point saying i want more holidays.
Cuz i just wana finish up this route with full force.
For my ambition, i shall put in my best.
For i know that,
if i have no future,
i wont have what i want happily.
my future is at stake
where i know i have no talent in anything
all i have left right now is studies and studies and probably... studies.
is make or break
I dun tink anyone would be interested in what i can do
cuz i cant do anything right anyway
So yea. Work hard or for the rest of y life, i will deem as a failure.

2010-03-28T04:36:00.001+08:00

Today was a long day as i didnt slept last night so yeah till now 3am. In total i haven slept much for 30hours. maybe little bit here and there.

First thing in the morning, Sentosa Outing with Poly Classmates.
Hmm wait till afternoon :O and there we discuss got rain no rain blah blah
but in the end no rain of course.
But the Sun seem to be burning the sands badly
that I felt like running during the Fire Walking Festival lol.
Hot like mad, cant play volleyball properly :/
even though its my first time,
but i guess i will get used to it
if the sand isnt hot :/
Yeah then i have to go off early to attend Rhapsody 2.
Hmm yeah wore too Formal as others suggested
I guess so too but cant be helped :/
I would look like an old man if im not formal lol.
But yeah kind of lonely though to watch it alone
even though people seem to want me to go
yet they... ahh maybe im jus tinking too much.

That night, i dun feel right anymore.
I just really dun wana continue being happy anymore
Im not happy anymore
Im really devastated right now.
Cant just say life sucks
cuz i know its me.
I suck.

2010-03-24T22:29:00.001+08:00

This is fucked up.
Almost all As, just two modules with B+
I bet I didnt do well for the Physics Lab quiz and All the practices for Aircraft Maintaineance.
I think 3rd year im gona have a hard time if i dun buck up. :/
3.314 still not good enough.
Got to score more.
Study more.
Aim more.
More drive..
Before its too late.

2010-03-18T14:27:00.000+08:00

AH no readers!!
Damn im going to post up my favourite song currently!
Look Only at me by Taeyang!!
:D hahahahaha.
Well well, day by day, finding something to do is something difficult for me
but well going out with friends is yes i did stuff.
But... yeah still trying my best really to really u know talk to them even though
i still havent got enough chances to show people can hear..
Ahhhh dun want to talk much, just want taggers!

2010-03-16T20:45:00.000+08:00

Oooo one of my worse hands at the start of the game. :O in the end I couldnt even form 13 odds. :O

One of my breakfast in FC4 at SP. Looks alot isnt it? :D

Has. Finally now i can relax and enjoy my holidays. After been through much and concentrating on studying, i just realise a big load has taken off my mind. Of course not to forget that i haven taken off the most important thing on my mind :)

Has. Annual Camp was over. May be either my 2nd last or last camp before u know la.

Hmm best food i eaten was: Light Soy Sauce Noodles with Scrambled Eggs

Maggi Noodles with Sausage fried with Msg Sauce.

haha although both occasions are eaten when im super hungry.

And yeah my comments on the Camp: Satisfactory

Indeed enjoy being around the camp and not having to be there everytime

even though it was a 3day 2 night not a long 4 day 3 night.

but yet again yeah, was supposed to making the atmosphere happy

but ya as always, got to reprimand them everytime.

But yeah still happy about the camp :D

Scandals and all :) hahas

Well well lets see.

Now im planning whats next for me.

After i see if i have completed my objective yeah.

2010-03-11T21:30:00.000+08:00

This is bad, i havent been updating my blog like forever
but im always emo about the lack of people coming to tag.
Thus i dun have much motivation.
In addition, yeah im feeling not good about things.
but as always tats me.
Feeling the minus emotions about everything
at least its better
since i dun keep my hopes too high
as things always go the opposite of how i want it to be.
Screwing up things at the wrong time
Losing confidence in something thats definitely not gona happen
Angry over things that isnt right
Upset that the world doesnt really see a point in what i say

O well, holidays right now
and im so free.
I wonder what i should do really.
Im so bored about life
yet thinking about solutions to solve things tat seem impossible.
But i will hold on there
cuz i know whatever i do now
have not been a burden yet.

2010-02-21T18:57:00.001+08:00

Yawns. O.o hardly blogged nowadays.
just wana laid back and look around for stuffs to do.
Hmm lets see...
Yeah playing soccer was a routine nowadays
to keep up with standards.
and hmm... im kind of injured i realise.
having problems with my hamstrings
but i tink i will be alright if i do someting about it really.
Hmm... exams yes
4 to go. one on tuesday, the rest on next week.
Damn and after exams, a match.
So got no time to waste!!
Got to study everything so tat i dun last minute again!
And yeah hmm... I miss you too.

2010-02-06T15:57:00.000+08:00

One more week of stress.
with tests, projects to hand up and all those stuffs.
Theres much to do zzz.
And next week is CNY and of course Valentine's Day..
Wont be anticipating much anyway so yea.
Looks like i will be focused on exams for now then.
Sigh. o.o well tag me anyway if u wan to :)

2010-02-03T15:08:00.000+08:00

This few weeks no time to do things. Only can do and do for no good reason.
Got project also do. No project also have to do.
zzz. O well, sigh... sometimes i think right, that i shouldnt be scolding people
but i also feel that they shld really try to do it right too.
Scolding people isnt what i like, if only things can be easily explained.
But if people cant understand what they doing and still scold people for not explaining correctly,
i do think that its not a good idea to really continue explaining anymore.

sigh and yet again yesterday continues my continuing streak of been given a feeling of "go away". It hurts but i walked away afterwards, even though i know its awkward. But on the other hand, i feel sad about it. Just mere sadness and dejected. Thats all. I guess i really am not welcome at all.

2010-01-31T01:54:00.000+08:00

Just realise I always do things too late.
Make things happen too late.
So yeah, too late to say sorry
but yeah Im just too late.
But well, i will finish up things though.
in the saddest way as usual.
1. how well do you know youself?rank from 1-10, 1 being the least.
1, i do not know myself anymore.

2. do you get along well with your siblings?
Kind of well.

3. if you were given a million bucks to kill someone you dont know, will you do it?
Yes, and that will be killin myself, who doesnt know himself.

4. would you risk your life for your father or your mother?
I will, for the mistake tat allowed myself to endanger their life

5. would you risk your life for your gf/bf or your friends?
Same reason.

6. do you like your eyes better, or your lips?
None. I have no interest in any of them.

7. do you have someone you like currently?
I will not put it as like. I will put it as love alrdy.

8. does anybody like you currently?
I will never know.

9. what are you doing now?
Doing my project.

10. do you prefer ice-cream or chocolate?
Chocolate

11. do you prefer coffee or tea?
Coffee

12. which celebrity do you admire?
Jay chou.

13. do you prefer the violin or guitar?
Guitar

14. what do you like to drink?
Pepsi

16. if you could ask for one thing now, what would you ask for?
Nothing but you.

17. do you like to daydream alot?
Not really.

18. what is your favourite colour?
Black

19. what is your favourite subject?
Mathematics

20. do you prefer the sun or the rain?
Rain

21. do you prefer the winter or spring?
Spring

22. do you prefer the darkness or light?
Darkness.

23. do you prefer the computer or your handphone?
Computer

24. who do you feel like texting now?
No comment.

25. favourite singer?
Jay chou

26. what are you currently listening to?
Wedding Dress -Taeyang

27. what type of shirt are you wearing now?
Purple t-shirt

28. do you prefer a quiet or loud gf/bf?
No preference.

29. if you were given a chance to change something about yourself, what would it be?
Nothing. Cuz its too late.

30. is there someone you cant forgive now?
None.

31. is there something you are upset about now?
None.

32. is there something you are happy about now?
None.

33. what is the first thing that comes into your mind when i say, "memories"?
that day.

34. who is the first person that comes into your mind when i say, "love"?
If i could say it now, i would.

35. is there something you cannot forgive about yourself?
No doubt.

36. what time is it now?
2.06am

37. what do you like about yourself?
None.

38. what do you like about your significant other?
Whatever she does.

39. who are your best friends?
Everyone.

40. name one of your nickname.
Lucifer

41. do you prefer to have a pair of wings, or powers to change thing?
The powers to change something. And that would be adding wings to restrict myself.

42. if you had powers, what kind of power do you want to possess?
The power to be visible.

43. where is your favourite place to hangout?
Home

44. what sort of book do you like to read?
Manga. Inspirational ones.

45. do you prefer a puppy or a kitten as a pet?
none. I shldnt restrict their life.

46. which is your favourite month?
February

47. what sort of music do you like?
Chinese romantic pop.

48. who are you missing now?
Read my mind.

49. do you dare to scream loudly in the middle of a shopping mall?
Not scream, roar.

50. why are you doing this quiz?
To do what i have to do.

2010-01-31T01:48:00.000+08:00

What to do when life doesnt seem to feel fine at all
when everything seem so vague.
The surroundings
The voices
The thoughts
everything feel so vague.
Nothing seems interesting anymore
I couldnt see what I could see without ah...
nvm.. I wonder if it doesnt matter anymore.
the wish that i made, it came true once before.
but i guess asking for it has become too much.
Telling u everything that i really feel,
seems hard but I really wan to let u know.
But if i only i can hear from u at least once in a long while.
That would be fine.
But its okay, cuz i know I have alrdy no longer have any right to have any say.
But I hope things will turn out fine as always.
I can only hope.
My words cant change anything
For im only human.
yet with a mind of another entity.

2010-01-27T05:35:00.000+08:00

God knows whether people enjoy reading what i write anyway.
Just write up anyway in case i havent forget what happened the past weeks.
Hmm.. school and school. Sleep and sleep. Spending most of the time on those two.
Nothing to do at all really.
Cuz lookin at thing, hmm not really of much interest anyway.
Many things i wan to say, but well, things are alrdy over so its a pretty difficult to say anyway.
Maybe random sayings would do fine.

To say or not to say,
to say it out and things happening the wrong way,
people will push the blame back to the one who say.
Not to say it out and things happened,
people will question the blame on the one who did not say.
Strange indeed,
but who is to be blamed for not finding out themselves.

To be yourself or not to be yourself.
To be yourself and people does not like the way u do things
yet giving u little space and time to improve yourself.
Not to be yourself and people contradict by telling u to be yourself
yet your mind thought about how they treat u badly when u are yourself.
Strange indeed,
but who is to be blamed when humans arent happy enough with what u do.

To talk or to talk
To talk and people cant hear u
Whatever u say, people never notice u.
not to talk and people say u shld speak up
yet on the other hand when u try to talk, people dunt respond.
Strange indeed,
but who is to be blamed when u tried your best alrdy but noone responds.

2010-01-22T02:01:00.000+08:00

I know that many things have happened
and I know that well, u just dun wan to know what happen to me anymore.
So yeah i hope u see this once will do.
Happy 15th birthday.
Good luck and take care.
I hope the happy old days return for u.

2010-01-09T19:59:00.001+08:00

long time bo blog le. Holidays spend so much time on holidays, FYP, studies and probably thinking about many many stuffs. Yet on the other hand. I have noticed a couple of changes so far in my life.
Seeing that i haven blogged for long, maybe i will blog something that I have been thinking about and noticing though.
Realising some things alrdy cant be helped, lookin at the way things dun seem to go well, i guess today i have to commenrate the day I have broken another one's heart in terms of friendship officially.
Well, not tat i really wana make that happen, but sometimes, well, i can only say "it cant be helped".
I have said many times before, that well, anyone would hate me in the end. And yeah it happened again though. But well, I knew it though. I cant blame u though. I am a complicated monster who just wana make people hate me. Indifferent as i am, yet unable to solve it with my own hands.
When using my own ability to try and make tings happen, it seem quite impossible yet i held on. I held on. Yet, just like building a bridge between two sides, when one side is done, the other side has not started yet moreover, noone is over at the other side. And there the bridge crumbles as i fell along with it.
Well, it cant be helped. Its too late i know. U wont want to know me anymore i know, but i wont forget u. Just believe this 4 words. I wont forget u.
Hope u enjoy a happier life there and dun be so pessimistic about life again. Yeap u wont wana know what had happened to me so well, watching u over always even if u dun wan to..

2009-11-27T18:46:00.000+08:00

Long time bo update. Sibei sian
today is 27november.
Its not too early liao les.
Duno what to say before my age of 18.
What should i do?
Anyone wans to vote what i should do to celebrate my age of 18?
Im puttin up a poll
SO VOTE BEFORE 12 AM TONIGHT.
IF U ARE READING THIS!!
FUUUUU
SCROLL TO THE RIGHT HAND SIDE FOR THE POLL. GOGOGOGO

2009-11-17T21:00:00.000+08:00

5 weeks of school liao. Yeap at least did my work properly along with all the lab work.
cover up everything and somehow half prepared for exams and tests.
But in the end its up to me to decide my all As goal for this semester.
Whether i can do it. Its still up to me :O
But dun kick me down the stage yet cuz the storm has not come yet.
So yeah. If i can do it, lol i would make sure i would curse those who doesnt wan me to achieve it.
Well, sigh... i realised that my wallet is full of junk and holes.
Everytime my wallet inside the coins always drop out, damn sian.
Yet on the other hand, lazy to buy another one.
I dun like to buy things for myself.
Hardly pamper myself anyway.
cuz i know i wont like things hanging around too much
or rather i dun wan to buy tings on impulse.
Zzzzz... this is so tiring, I wana buy this and that
but reluctant as im so stingy. zzzz. what to do.
thats me. the old-fashioned guy of the past.
I must have thought too much about u.

2009-11-09T22:42:00.001+08:00

lalalalala bulllshit. ok fine. simple.
haven been blogging.
got so concentrated in studies.
Yeah i have decided my aim
and yeah i have to take action on it.
shun aside nvm its ok.
being invisible in people's eyes its ok.
doing what i cant do its ok.
suffering the same pain every time its ok.
yeap everyting its ok.
just give me more bullshits god. everyting its ok.
I did be cursed to be like that.
There are many tings i wish to speak up.
but well, what ever i feel and speak about
doesnt matter, my life is just listen and non-existant.
my job is just listen and my talk is just ooo ok finish full stop.
nothing flexible isnt it. Kind of stupid though
but well it cant be helped.
they say fate can be changed with your own hands
but things will still remain the same as long as
people still recall the past mistakes u have done.
thats what happening isnt it.. damn it all.

2009-11-03T23:08:00.001+08:00

Body is so aching though. Sigh couldnt be helped anyway.
Overexertion of this and that.
Sigh. Feeling so weak and cant be helped.
Still always looking back and see the same thing happening again.
What should i say hmm....
Hard to say it here but rather i guess maybe im not wanting to say it anyway.
Sounds like a waste of breath.

But every year would be just another year for me as i see.
Nothing interesting. Yeah, that should be te true emotion im having
than saying i had fun for this year and that year.
Im not interested in everyting i see.
In the end, i became the bad guy out of nowhere
cuz i cant voice out of my opinions.
My opinions will always be the one to hurtful to hear
and then well, what can i do?
be "honest" as always, or keeping things to myself and just saying o i see.
Be myself? Not a chance.
Cuz "myself" does not belong to this civilization anyway

2009-11-01T04:09:00.000+08:00

Well talking about the saturday which is yesterday, hmm yeah spent the whole time at sentosa with my current class for fun.
Played soccer and maybe slacking in the sea and the beach. But yeah o.o didnt really do much lol.
But well went on to vivocity to have some relaxation and the mealed at Harbourfront hawker centre.
Mmmm the tom yam noodle looks spicy but indeed its really delicious and i like it alot.
Yeah and i realised cheng ting nowadays seem more original, not adding any syrup into it.
But o well. Yeah then movin back to vivo to walk around, then rained heavily.
Sat with the rest under shelter at the long flight of benches.
Played Truth or Dare.
Dare for me: Ask "Anybody" "Would u like me to dance for u?" and at first i have doubts about askin two women about it, but lucky, i found children so i asked them!! Yeah and one of them said "ok", so i randomly danced a few steps and they laughed hehe. And well mission accomplished! Well :P the rest who have done it are like askin "where did u buy the drink from?" or "Whats your name?" yeah trivial stuffs but interesting still.

The hole is opening up more, yet im still lookin for the reason why im not filling up the hole enough with everything i do. Not that i didnt care about anything, well just that, in the end, anyone who looks at that hole, will always have the wrong thinking that i want them to know.
The true problem is.... I dun wan the title "Friend" only, I want the true meaning of friendship as well. Thats the only part that I wan u to know. sigh..

2009-10-25T17:32:00.000+08:00

I just feel ignored every moment.
In the end, how much i change doesnt matter.
Its still about me. My existence that cant be changed.
Be too honest with words is a weakness not a good thing at all!
Being less honest with words is a trap laid by one self not even a good thing too.
Whatever i say couldnt help anymore.
Life is bullshit.

Weekly Calendar

2009-10-24T21:49:00.000+08:00

Ah not gona update on the F1 part yet.
Just wana say random stuffs anyway.

Hmm recently join up many things after school to do.

And roughly this is whats gona happen for my weekly activity

Monday: School till 5pm. Sports Elective Jogging (2 november)
Tuesday: School till 12pm. Probably.. Studying.
Wednesday: School till 12pm. Probably... Practice for Game.
Thursday: School till 3pm. Probably.. Self Exercise.
Friday: School till 1pm. Practice for Game. Studying.
Saturday: May wana start work.
Sunday: May wana start work.

Recently joined small committee and may be alil busy
along with Game Fiesta. so things not really well plan out yet.
But all i know is i just wana keep myself busy for now.
Cuz i think i know nothing about this world enough.
I need to be more sensible.
I dun wana repeat the same mistake again.. Damn it all.

2009-10-19T20:58:00.000+08:00

Lets see.
Has been exhausted recent days.
Probaby i guess the lack of holidays to make up for my ITP work.

Ok lets see.
I would like to thank the following people and describe to u guys who and how they are.

Mr Tan Mark (My Supervisor)

He is a pretty good boss with great leadership and yeah he speaks alot so u know what i mean.
But he never fail to protect his workers working under him, like me! Cuz he believe that we shouldnt do work that doesnt belong to us and we should concentrate on helping him instead which is true. but cant be helped, we are "interns", wrap up all saikang work.
Yeah he let us have the free will to help in any area.
Including the following like certain deployment sites in F1 he gave me some responsibility in getting the people and also getting this and that done which is necessary to lead to the next step for the F1 project.
Thank you for letting me participate in the team for F1. I am more than happy and glad to accept this job anytime after i finish my studies if possible :P

Mr Hussin (My Operation Executive)

He does alot of things, cover up many problems and always try to do what he can. He would work more than expected just to support his men. He takes care of his men well, just that well, at his age, he cannot be very energetic so I can understand that sometimes he cannot handle alot of things. So usually i will help him out in certain things like deployment too like my Boss. And also help him with some things like checking info, classified.
Thank you for the hard work, u let me see how much one can do to solve problems that are difficult to be untied. Your undying spirit will be what i believe in most.

Mr James

hmm.. I didnt really speak to him alot becuz he is in another area so ya. But well he is a nice guy and hes serious but relax person that take tings depending on the situation accurately. Well, he did his part well and somehow good job to him. Well, he jokingly intended to bring us back for another 3 months for intership after our "6months" recently lol. But well impossible of course, got to complete my studies somehow.
But truthfully speaking, i wouldnt mind doing it. Im interested in it somehow. Probably maybe at that point of time, i dun have the power or the burden on me yet, but i understand that i need the responsibility to carry that burden. well we shall see.
Thank you for guiding us alittle even though its a short while.

Mr Lim

Well he does most of the logistics work, but also he also do the same as the rest of the trio. Bringing things down to site and to his men, he constantly covers up loopholes that includes logistics or items. He is also a role model in Certis Cisco, (I can see his face on the posters and on the dress code lol) Well, hes athletic person so he advised me to exercise regularly. well, i will do that if i can definitely.
Thank you for taking care of me :D

Mira

NOOOO i feel so disappointed, devastated, sad, all the emotions that does wan her to stay alil while before we left, but sadly she left for another job. But for the past 3weeks working with her is both bad and good. Good things are shes somehow very special, can tank all the damage load given to her, watching her do everything this and that, i feel encouraged yet helpless seeing her do so many things. Shes pretty hardworking. A good worker u will find. though claimed she is slow tinker lol. im witness to that. haha kidding. But well thanks to her, I have seen more than what i could and i hope to see her again.
thank you for covering my mistakes and good luck!!

Hmm.... yeah during my ITP, I worked for Certis Cisco Security AdHoc Team and well, its an event management security team and hmm... interestingly i survived there lol. At first when i hear "we will be doing F1" Im like omfg, how may i gona cope? What if i fail? But nevertheless strugglin through the ITP with much work, overnight and overtime, i tried my best to help alot and well i break down at one point. (to be continued)

2009-10-04T20:42:00.000+08:00

I realised i havent been updating.
Hmm... lets see.
Recent outings such as Kumwai's Birthday and yesterday's EPL match get-together.
Yeah it was great.
Sadly couldnt come for The Cage Soccer Game with them.
My work commitment had to be super alot though.
Though being critiscised for spending too much time on my work,
yet i couldnt help it on the other hand.
If i fuck it and go, i cannot face my company for the rest of the weeks.
But now after the F1 period, i dun have much things to do so i have more time and early time to go home :)
Will update about F1 later.

2009-09-24T19:37:00.001+08:00

Last night my body broke down gradually before reaching the state of useless.
The feeling of tearing up oneself is so immense.
Hunger or pain shall I not know.
All i know is, I just want to see you
not with my weakness.
Sigh tonight another night of exhaustion and stress again.

2009-09-19T21:40:00.000+08:00

Currently still working at my company.
Zzz.
Have been spending time working overnight and yeah... tired and havin headaches
but cant be helped.
Too many things to handle.
Learnt many things about whats happening to our people in Singapore.
- there are people who really have no jobs in singapore and dying to get one.
- there are people who doesnt even know what he or she needs to know.
- Its hard speaking to adults who are 50+.

Yeah and blah blah.

Calling people is like a hassle to everyone in my company.
So i end up havin to pick up calls
and get screwed or disturbed by questions ( same question)
all over again.
I just wana a break
but zzzz i couldnt.
cuz this job doesnt allow much rest.
So yeah i wont be really blogging much really.
So hope u all read this :)
Thanks.

Still unable to cure my memory.

ONE PIECE ROCK AND ROLL

2009-09-06T22:54:00.001+08:00

Lol long time no update.

Ok I chionged One piece for the past week and now im at episode 80.
Its interesting how I got into it, even though i thought i dun like the long episodes.
Keen to see how the story goes :D

Sigh Soon tomorow is another step to adulthood.
As i have ITP(attachment to company),
I wont be really active for 6 weeks from tomorrow onwards.
So dun MISS ME too much!!! :D
I will feel guilty u know!! Lol.
Ok never mind.
Yeah I have said before where i have been attached to.
If u dun know, I think maybe u need to talk to me again to know more :P
Then i will tell u where i will be working at.
Sigh so tired. Going off. Cya around!
:D work work!

2009-08-27T22:09:00.000+08:00

JUST REALISE SOMETHING.
i need to post something.
Before this blog rots..

Ok simple. One night i went to macdonalds Bukit merah to study overnight from 2am to morning. They say at night dun go out due to Hungry Ghost Festival. (PLUS THERES AN IMPENDING STORM) O well, i didnt care cuz i know I just got to go there. All it takes is just safety measures and not thinking elsewise.
Of course in the end, i reached there safely! First time first, bought a MCspicy MEAL. Yes yes. No choice got to keep myself there must buy something.
then yeah. STUDIED MY AIRCRAFT SERVOMECHANIMS AND ELECTRONICS.
There i wrote down notes on a book. And took time to read up. Practice all the stuffs.
(btw this is for Saturday post)
Yeah plus i realised its pretty quiet at around 4am. before there theres heavy rain. (lucky)
and by 5am i only see myself walking around, with two other students from SP sleeping. =.=
Thats all i saw.
Well by 7.30am runners from tiong park finished their job and came for celebrations. And yeah pretty noisy.
Bought a FILLET O FISH breakfast meal. (tink must be loaded right?)
Yeah continued studying till finish the 8chapters. And this is the most FAIL part.
As i walked to the counter to think of a drink to buy, O.o i realise they have free coffee and tea.
However.... i threw the cup away... so FREE = NO MORE.
O well. =.= Hmm walk around there just to relax( i walk around cuz i wan to take a break)
Then i saw someone familiar...... KaiLin :) Well though we knew each other a little,
we did have a small chat on why we are here and stuffs. Though she brighten up my day somehow. ( i guess must be an early morning smile from her) :) well, then she disappeared. Must be work. So i continued for 2 hours of study and went off home.
O AND I bought stuffs to cook at home.
Yeah so i cooked stuffs and ya.

And blah blah blah.
Two exams over so far. So far so good.
Now waiting for two more exams next week and YAY! NOT.
got ITP =.= waiting for me.
Got to be attached to...... CISCO SECURITY.
Though we are not sure what we gona work as =.=
O well... this semester is a tiring time.
Got to sleep as much as possible!

last quotes...

When i read this sentence one day, it struck me at that moment. "Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew". Seems just like "Trying to move on is like trying to figure out whats pulling u back."

2009-08-19T05:56:00.001+08:00

Projects assignments seem like thrilling stuffs
but seems like a High and low thing when things go and dun go our way
Andy says "Do you know why humans are all non-virgins?"
"CUZ GOD FUCKED OUR LIVES."
Thats a nice quote.

"Sometimes a middle finger to god seems like many middle fingers including a middle finger that is alrdy up our asses when we are screwed"

Up lorry alrdy >.> "Ban Gan liao."
O i mean Up Van! :D

#note1: Dun underestimate project. It can get your ass right up when u take it too easy.
#note2: Dun ever underestimate project. It will always fucks u up when u start to recall exams are coming near.
#note3:FUCKING DUN UNDERESTIMATE PROJECT. CUZ IM FUCKED OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
Ok ignore note 3. Just wana say >.> it sucks when if its not done properly. as Your grade depends on your freaking projects... and exams that will give MAN no time to think about.
#note4:dun forget note#1 to #note3 for the rest of your life. Cuz it costs anyone's future.
:D

and one more thing. REPORT SUCK SHIT.

2009-08-15T16:45:00.000+08:00

After this semester,
-2 weeks of exam ( include the holidays)
-6 weeks of ITP(Working for my studies -.-)
and then back to school.

Looks like i would not be appearing often and probably seem like emo fag.
But tats the truth >.>
Sigh, Time to get serious about myself.
Dunt have time to think about it.
Hmm i wonder if anyone had any idea how to be better at memorising things? Im losing my consciousness of memorising something..

2009-08-08T19:30:00.000+08:00

O i havent complete much of my bloggies.
O well, after this semester ends, theres not much holidays for me..
Jus working for my stupid module and module.
Well looks like no football for me.
No rest time.
Jus plain concentrating on my work and my studies.
I have setted some goals.
I wan to fulfil them.
Not gona say i promise.
Gona say I MUST.

I MUST:
Go to NTU!
Become a teacher!
Score a minimum GPA of 3.4
Not say promise.
Be capable of anything when asked.
Watch anime once in a while.
Not look back.
Not contradict.

I tink thats all for now. All this shall activate after this semester though some of them are ongoing.

2009-08-07T13:29:00.000+08:00

I found a new determination to reach my goal.
Its not a nice way.
But its an old fashion way to drive myself.
To think about it, im born living with it.
So i guess im perfectly fine with that way.
I guess all i need is resolution.

2009-08-07T11:35:00.000+08:00

Ever since i cleared my mind, i have concentrated alot on my projects.
And i realised i actually could do better than before if i had acutally jus set my mind on it.
I guess problems and troubles shadowed my eyes and mind.
But now im confident and full straight ahead to doing everything i need to complete.
I have a dream now.
I have a goal now.
All i need is the determination and motivation to get things going.
For now i just feel ok.
But everything around me seems the same.
Well not saying much really.

A connection that has a name without any actions or meaning is just a vague bond.
Grouping something without considering every factor is just a contradiction to its purpose.

2009-07-25T21:12:00.000+08:00

Hmms.. its hard to give in my all in everything i wan to do.
Even when i do give my all, its not acceptable to anyone.
Though i shouldnt be affect by others,
yet on the other hand, it affects the mood around me.
Its hard to what i want really,
yet trying my best to keep hold to what i believe.
To lose belief of my own ideals,
is to lose belief of who i am.
Unable to see the simplicity in life
yet see the complexity of life.
Its hard to be simple,
yet abnormal to be complicated.
Closing my eyes on something
will never happen cuz every single bit i know
is an important thing to me.
Even if it fails, i will remember it fail, the process, everything.
History repeats itself and i will still remember the process of how hurt happens to me over and over again.
Yet i still accept this fate to myself that something could be done,
but im still lookin for that answer to solve it.
If nothing could be changed, i will do the change.
Cuz i am me. I want to change this fate.
without holding back who i was before.